måndag 16 mars 2009

Att lita

Hur vågar man lita
Om man en gång blivit sviken?
Hur vågar man hoppas
När man kan bli besviken?

Kan man släppa in någon
När en annan brutit sig ut
Och lita på att de stannar
Och blir kvar till slut?

Går det att släppa taget
Utan att tappa det
Och falla från höga hästar
Med någon slags säkerhet?

Kan man våga hoppas
På att inte bli vilseledd?
Kan man våga lita
När man känner sig rädd?

Okej, den här är faktiskt ny, dock lite av ett hastverk eftersom 3/4 strofer var delvis stream of consciousness...

10 kommentarer:

popapraniec sa...

This poem reminded me of why i never open up to people -- at least IRL :]

Nevermind the SoC-creation of it -- it doesn't matter, it's still good.

Howgh.

Alex sa...

It is scary to open up to people, you put so much out there, it's like closing your eyes and letting yourself fall, blindly trusting someone to catch you - it's not that easy!

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", sure, I believe in that, but that doesn't mean that falling won't ever hurt.

Still, I do think it's important to try, at least a little bit. There's a 'free' in 'free falling', that's the only part about that I like - not being held back. Being scared of something and still doing it.

Lucidor sa...

Dina hastverk är betydligt bättre än mina -- jag brukar få slut på rim efter en kvart, efter vilket jag bara slänger in olika eufemismer för "pitt" tills jag tröttnar.

Men jag gillar den, sårbarheten tycks verkligen ligga och pulsera på ytan, vilket jag tror tilltalar min från förfäder ärvda beskyddarinstinkt.

popapraniec sa...
Den här kommentaren har tagits bort av skribenten.
popapraniec sa...

"Still, I do think it's important to try, at least a little bit. There's a 'free' in 'free falling', that's the only part about that I like - not being held back. Being scared of something and still doing it."

Eh - how do I explain this without treading on the emo-swamp. It's one thing falling free not knowing what awaits you but enjoying the fall while you can, and it's another thing when you know that you're bound to land on hard ground reduced to a bloody and hardly breathing pile of broken bones.

I guess it's stupid to say that this - mostly intuition-based - judgement o' mine is flawless, but so far it has proven to be scaringly accurate.

Ah, good ol' fear of failure \o/

Alex sa...

"It's one thing falling free not knowing what awaits you but enjoying the fall while you can, and it's another thing when you know that you're bound to land on hard ground reduced to a bloody and hardly breathing pile of broken bones."

I think that if you expect to land hard, then it might prove a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. But I think I get what you mean, if 9/10 times it's a crash landing, you won't be all that eager to continue trying.

Hopefully though, it's possible to learn to differentiate between people who are trustworthy and people who aren't, because some definitely people are. Difficult to find them if not letting go though, so it's a bit of a vicious circle.

And "fear of failure", the good old not-trusting-yourself, not trusting yourself to be good enough. If people don't think you're good enough though, it's more likely there's something wrong with them than with you, I'd say. But self-awareness and being rational don't really go hand-in-hand I suppose.

popapraniec sa...

"Hopefully though, it's possible to learn to differentiate between people who are trustworthy and people who aren't, because some definitely people are. Difficult to find them if not letting go though, so it's a bit of a vicious circle."

It's really not hard for me to differentiate between those people and the rest. It doesn't even have to be about grouping people into two groups based on trustworthiness -- remember that time when we were discussing different careers within psychology and you rejected the idea of dealing with depressed people because it's too fuzzy and it's hard to make out what they [the patients] wanted? (Now, I don't mean to demonize you for that or anything, just thought it was a good example :B ) Finding someone who understands also is important. Really, the people I hold dear are lovely and trustable people, but I'd rather not cause you frustration by venting about whatever's chewing on my soul, 'cause it's mostly whiny existential things, as opposed to stuff down on the ground.

Though my judgement may be off here, but, eh - do tell if this is the case.

There's no definite formula for telling the trustworthy people from their counterparts, I guess. So far I've gone by paying attention to peoples' temperament, signs of a strong self-interest, manner of speaking, and many petty factors that I don't consciously think of when I assess someone.

Yeah, so much subjectivity and intuition here. I bet at least 11 copies of some writing outlining the scientific method just spontaneously combusted :D

Eh, I'd write something more coherent about this, involving differing definitions of trustable persons, the error that some make by putting unrealistic expectations on their friends because they have an overly idealised view of friendship.

But, um, it's very late

-_-

Lucidor sa...

This might just be the words of a doe-eyed person with too much trust, but I don't believe that it is worth thinking too much about whether or not someone is worth trusting. I think it's largely instinctive -- when you first meet someone, you get an impression whether or not you'll one day be trusting the person fully. Naturally, this impression can and often is changed as time goes by though, meaning it's not healthy to pay too much attention to it.

Then, at some point in a friendship you might very well get the feeling that you're willing to put your full trust into someone, and if you've known each other for a longer time, the feeling should be embraced. The feeling is most likely due to you having gotten to know the person well enough to have your mind conclude that the person appears fully trustworthy.

You'll be feeling that for a reason. If it doesn't come, don't provoke it -- when it comes, embrace it. As you say, trust is a free fall, but it's a great reward given back.

O sa...

I don't trust anyone =] I trust some, a little. But never fully. You know why? Because as it says in the poem (love it btw) - taking the hits when falling, uh-uh not something you'd do over and over again.

But I agree, not falling is also shitty. If not maybe even more shitty than beforementioned not falling. But, it's a matter of... personality. I guess. Some are more open, others not. The hard part is not determining who's trustworthy and who's not, because most people aren't. Never 100%.

I'll take myself as an example. I'm not very trustworthy at all. I let people down, I talk shit, I turn my back, I "can't be bothered". All the time. And mostly because I am lazy and extremely anti "doing the right thing". But hey, people still think I'm a great friend. Sometimes.

Anyway, wherever this is going: Maybe people should trust each other more and just not give shit if they get HURT when they fall. Just stand tall again and walk away. Or fix it. Or something. Because honestly, no one likes the self-pitying emo-swamp anyway.

void sa...

I never saw these comments until today :S

I think it is safe to assume that people in general are selfish, and thus do things that seem to benefit them.

Following that axiom in the topic of trust, the logical conclusion is that people are trustable when it is in their best interest.

This makes sense to me because I believe that with time the value of a relationship increases, and thus being able to trust eachother becomes more important, in order to preserve the good relationship.

"Kan man släppa in någon", as you state it in this beautiful poem, what does it mean? Showing your true nature, removing all the masks you wear and exposing your innermost thoughts and feelings? If we use that definition then what does trust mean in that context?

As I see it, it is about accepting, not rejecting - loving, not hating - understanding, not misunderstanding. If you open up to someone, you care about that person's opinion, you want some kind of confirmation that you, in your most naked state, are OK.

And what happens if you don't get that confirmation, instead you get abused and rejected- and it is this we are afraid of. But as Luftmensch and Wellington said, to assess the outcome of "opening up" to someone, you can only trust your intuition. With time you see someones character through the experiences you share, and from this you develop a sense of who they are, and hopefully you can predict how they will react. It takes time to build trust.

Perhaps these are not the most original thoughts/ideas, but they are mine and I wanted to share my innermost thoughts :P


BTW:
"but I'd rather not cause you frustration by venting about whatever's chewing on my soul, 'cause it's mostly whiny existential things, as opposed to stuff down on the ground."

"Whiny existential things" are so much more interesting that "stuff on the ground" in my opinion, I would love to discuss such matters if you ever want to :)